Ishit's Space

Sardar Patel is back

2009-08-21T20:38:00.015-04:00

Sardar Patel arrived today in Ahmedabad and was greeted by a sea of humanity at Kalupur Railway station. In the wake of Gujarat Government’s ban on Jaswant Singh’s book on Jinnah, Sardar resigned as the Deputy Prime Minister & Home Minister of India. Before leaving Delhi for Ahmedabad, Sardar spoke briefly to the media and said that he was resigning to lead the “Satyagraha” against this horrific attack on the freedom of expression by the State Government of Gujarat.

Meanwhile, Mahatma Gandhi who is currently in Afghanistan & NWFP on a peace mission, wrote an article in ‘Harijan’ directing the masses of Gujarat & India to fully support their beloved “Sardar” in this struggle. Gandhiji also wrote an open letter to Narendra Modi, Chief Minister of Gujarat outlining the reason for this struggle.

Sardar Patel, who at 134 is still in great health and spirit, addressed a huge gathering at “Sardar Patel Stadium” in Motera just outside Ahemdabad. He asked the people to show a strong resolve, wake up from the slumber and be ready to sacrifice in this non-violent struggle. In his characteristic style, he lashed out at so called “Chhote Sardars” and said, “Those who call themselves ‘Loh Purush’ (Iron-Man) forget that the men of substance are not scared of constructive criticism or scrutiny. In fact, aversion to such open dialogue & criticism proves that they are “Mati Paga” (Feet of Clay). None should be bothered to protect my image and legacy; by acting in this foolish manner they are doing more harm to it. I expect better from my people and especially from my Gujarat”.

He laid out following plan of action for all Satyagrahis under the strict premise of non-violent civil disobedience:

1. Satyagrahis will buy Jaswant Singh’s book from out of state and bring it to Gujarat

2. Satyagrahis will open book stores and libraries named “Paach (Five) Crore Gujaratio ni Asmita” across Gujarat where this book will be sold, read and distributed

3. There will be “Gaurav Yatras” across Gujarat, here people will walk on the main streets of their towns/villages/cities, gather around prominent public places and read out passages from this book aloud, especially the ones that specifically evaluate Sardar’s role

4. Newspaper editors and publishers in Gujarat need to really step up at this moment of crisis. They should publish the most controversial excerpts from the book

5. There should be picketing lines outside all major book stores & libraries to non- violently pursue them to sell & distribute the book

6. NRI Gujaratis should play their part too, supporting this struggle financially & morally by spreading the word using their global reach. They should also bring the book with them when they come to visit home

7. Satyagrahis should also try to mobilize the public opinion by using all available forums including letters to newspapers, letters to their elected representative & Chief- Minster, blogs, social media websites. Also send your comments to the website of Chief-Minster and Gujarat Government

8. The masses should boycott all public functions arranged by the Government or their elected representatives. All propaganda machinery of the state should find no consumer

9. Send copies of the book to your MLAs, Ministers and other representatives. Whenever you meet any elected official, administrator or a politician – make an appeal to revoke the ban

At the end of the rally, Sardar himself took out a copy of Jaswant Singh’s book that he had carried with him from Delhi and read out specific passages that spoke about his role in partition. Sardar concluded by quoting Voltaire, “I may not agree with what you say but I'll fight to the death to defend your right to say it".

Sardar Patel was later arrested on the charges of trying to defame Sardar Patel !

Mushy Mushy Saiya !

2007-08-20T21:24:00.000-04:00

Urban dictionary defines mushy mushy as – “A female who has no control when it comes to a certain man. In the past this same woman has called all the shots, but now has lost her edge and is soft in the brain over him.”

Mrs Bhutto is getting all mushy-mushy over Pakistan's ‘President’ ‘General’ Parvez Musharraf, who himself is on a mushy ground. At her age, Mrs Bhutto is understandably and justifiably eager to get into the ‘doli’ and return home. Pakistan’s constitution (stop laughing – this is a serious post) doesn’t allow third term for the PM. So, the only option for her is to enter into a relationship with someone who can rewrite-amend-override the law.

Musharraf is in need of a bride who can cook (up) something for everyone and stabilize the household. He faces a tough supreme court, growing threat from Islamic hardliners and also from moderate (I said stop laughing, will you?) political parties. Only a pretentious democratic marriage can lend him some legitimacy to continue to rape the democracy.

Two perfect candidates – now all we need is Shaadi.com. There enters US, to arrange for a sacred alliance between Musharraf & Pakistan People’s Party (PeePeePee). Check out the picture from this insightful post by Arnab to understand what that means. It is amazing how over the years Musharraf has managed to keep his Shaadi.com profile in good standing by frequently delivering third-tier Al-Qaeda terrorists, by often raiding no-man’s land in Waziristan and NWFP, by bombing barren mountains and while still renting 1 bedroom with free internet, audio-video recording facilities, TV to Laden and Zawahiri in his presidential mansion.

And all this for Damn-O-Cursey !

Happy Independence Day !

2007-08-15T07:13:00.000-04:00

Happy Independence Day !

What better to describe the mood this morning than...

Vande Mātaram
sujalā suphalā malayajaśītalām
sasya śyāmalā mātaram
śubhra jyotsnā pulakita yāminīm
phulla kusumita drumadalaśobhinīm
suhāsinī sumadhura bhāiīm
sukhadā varadā mātaram

Translation..

Mother, I salute thee!
Rich with thy hurrying streams,
bright with orchard gleams,
Cool with thy winds of delight,
Green fields waving Mother of might,
Mother free.

Do Nothing Break - Day - 2

2007-08-03T22:57:00.000-04:00

OK..here is Day-2 of my ‘filmy’ vacation as some call it (Karan, Aditya, Farhan - anyone for story rights?)

‘No idea what time it is’ to 7:37 AM - I am in India – driving a huge pick-up truck or something – we all are going for jungle safari sort of – there is lots of food (YES – thepla and gathiya – Happy?) – though it is India I see many animals that were probably roaming India few million years ago and are found only in Africa in more recent times.

7:37 AM - Suddenly I find myself in my bed thousands of mile away from India and someone is calling my name…20 seconds later I discover that it is not ‘Akashvani’ but my wife waking me up. So, that is how I wake up. She is running late and may miss her bus to train station and so wants me to drop her to the station (this translates to something like this in her own words, “I wanted you to get up early today and go to the park before it gets too hot out there” – AHaaa!).

8:15 AM – I pick up coffee and butter croissant from Starbucks and head towards the park. I discovered that the Starbucks near our apartment opens up at 5:30 AM! – Now that is a fun fact of the day for you my friend.

8:25 AM to 9:50 AM – I sit on a bench in front of a little pond in the park, reading ‘Gujarat Times’ of last 4-5 weeks that I haven’t been able to catch up on. Some really nice articles from Gunavant Acharya, Chandrakant Bakshi, Shahbuddin Rathore, Swami Satchidanand. You know I thought about a wonderful statement that we often use in Kathiawad, ‘Tari Bhali Thai’ – isn’t it simply awesome?

Sitting there I also watch people fishing, old couples walking, young girls (& guys) running, geese shitting and finches having a huge team meeting with no moderator and everybody talking at the same time.

9:50 AM to 11:45 AM – I hike aimlessly in the park with my backpack and lawn chair. Finally, I get to a spot that is quite, surrounded by tall trees and feels like the jungle of my today’s dream. So I put up my lawn chair and read some more, watch some more, hear some more and feel some more (Aditya, Karan – are you reading this?)

11:55 AM to 2:00 PM – I reach ‘Mithaas’ – one of our favorite Indian snack bars on Oak Tree road. (For unfortunate non-NJians, this is really a good place, nice menu – great ambience). I order “Daal ke Chhile & Mango Shake”, watch Star News and read Fortune. I take good 1 hour to finish this and I am still hungry, so I order Panini. I wait for more than 35 mintues – no sign of Panini, though I am in no hurry, I go to the counter to check on my order. To my surprise, to somebody who had ordered ‘Paneer and Veg Kathi Roll’, my Panini looked like it and he had consumed it already! So, I now have to wait some more to get my food, as if I cared for the time. Finally, I get the Panini and also a free soda (to compensate for their mistake with the order – NICE!). The food is lovely.

2:10 PM to 5:30 PM – Its really hot outside so I head back home, lie down on the couch watching TV and reading. I enjoy a brief siesta and wake up fresh.

6:00 PM – Wife is home, we decide to go for a movie – David Dhawan’s Partner. Yahoo movie says there is a 7:30 show in nearby Regal.

7:05 PM – We reach the theater to discover that Partner is no longer running there :-( So we check for ‘Cash’ even that is not on, the only Indian movie is “Gandhi – My Father”. Neither of us is in a mood to watch that so we decide to go for The Bourne Ultimatum. The theater is packed! It feels great to watch movie in this country in a packed theater (doesn’t happen that often).

10:45 PM – The movie is good – entertaining – very much inspired by Rajni (‘Kanna Panninga Kuttam Dhaan Varum, Singam Single-e Dhaan Varum’). We are home now. I have to finish this and then prepare for tomorrow’s trip to Sandy Hook beach. One more fact before I sign off, part of this beach is clothing-optional, in fact the largest such beach on Atlantic – I don’t plan to take off any more than necessary to get in the water but this is just FYI!

Good Night – Pick up truck…African animals in Indian jungle…I am coming…

Do Nothing break - Day - 1

2007-08-02T21:56:00.000-04:00

I work 24 hours a day – really! Now, I may not be actually in front of my computer doing ‘real’ work but I keep thinking about it. I cannot disconnect. This is a problem but I have been like that since when I was a kid. Couple of weeks back it all just became too much, I felt like my mind would explode. Preeti came up with a great idea that I should take a “Do Nothing” break. So, I decided to take 08/02 and 08/03 off for doing nothing. I am on my own as Preeti is in a new job and cannot take any vacation.

Today was Day – 1 and here is what I did.

6:45 AM – Opened my eyes (didn’t wake up though!) because of bloody alarm.

7:25 AM – Woke up briefly to say good-bye to Preeti.

8:15 AM – Started feeling guilty about wasting this precious time in sleep…8:30 AM – still guilty and in bed…8:35 AM – guilt is increasing by every passing minute but I am in no position to get out of the bed.

8:45 AM – Finally, the conscience prevailed over my feeble body and I got up.

9:15 AM – (shhhhh…checked and responded to ONE work related email).

9:45 AM – Out of house - towards Metuchen downtown – on the way called home (India).

9:55 AM to 11:50 AM – Breakfast (Omelet with tomato, onion and pepper with wheat toast followed by two eggs well-done with rye bread and cappuccino) at one of our favorite places in Metuchen. Read several magazines - topics ranging from endangered mountain gorillas in Congo (apparently there are only 720 of them left), Obama Vs Hillary, how Mainframe systems are still surviving and growing, tips to select IT vendor for CIOs to Nichole Richie’s tummy-hiding tricks!

12 Noon – Visited our rental office to follow up on our request for a two-bedroom apartment – nothing available – stupid people won’t let us renew our lease in one bedroom and then let us transfer to two bedrooms when it becomes available in the SAME COMMUNITY! – Anyway f#$# it.

12:00 PM to 1 PM – Phone calls to few friends.

1:00 to 1:30 PM – Zee Gujarati News

1:30 PM to 2:15 PM – Watched Judge Alex, Judge Judy etc (couldn’t gather enough courage to watch Days of our lives).

2:15 PM – Went to 7-Eleven to get laundry detergent, picked up cloths from the dry cleaner on the way back home.

2:15 PM to 5 PM – Laundry and cooking in parallel. Now you may say this is not a break but hey, cooking is a real stress reliever for me – I love it. So, cooked 3 subjis – 1) Gobi, Alu, Mutter, Tamater 2) Simla Mirch, Alu, Spring Onion 3) Tindla (Tindora).

5:15 PM to 6:45 PM – YMCA - Swimming, whirlpool, steam, sauna

6:45 PM to 7:00 PM – (shhhhh…couple of work related calls).

7:00 PM to 7:15 PM – Wine shop – bought an Australian Shiraz and French Pinot Noir.

7:25 PM to 7:55 PM – BATH (forgot to tell you that I hadn’t taken a bath since
morning ;-))

8:00 PM – Metropark station to pick up Preeti.

8:45 PM to 9:15 PM – Candle light dinner @ home with 3 awesome subjis, Australian Shiraz and creamy home-made Dahi

9:15 PM to 9:54 PM – Writing this and watching ‘Iron Chef America’ – secret ingredient is Chicken!

More tomorrow….

Proposed Immigration Bill - Merit based evaluation system

2007-06-03T12:32:00.000-04:00

First of all - Sorry, I am really irregular - didn't even keep the promise that I made in November. I am always thinking of restarting this blog but 'papi pet ka sawal' is really keeping me busy. Hopefully, I will run out of excuses soon and be back.

I am following the proposed immigration bill lately with great interest. As you know this bill offers a new merit based evaluation system for immigrant visas.
Check out this link to see if you qualify for Green Card under this new point based system.

www.ready4greencard.com

Normal programming to resume soon...

2006-11-10T17:41:00.000-05:00

I am back after a rather long break. Last few months were absolutely fabulous and I enjoyed every moment of it.

While I was away many things happened and I missed to write about them. I promise to make up for that. Keep checking for updates...BTW "TimesSelect" at New York Times has a FREE ACCESS week from 11/06 to 11/12 so go and read a lot of Friedman in the meantime !

Weapons of Mass DISTRACTION !

2006-06-16T15:11:00.000-04:00

Dubya-Dicky combed entire Iraq but couldn’t find a single WMD. Well, I am often hit by them right here in New York. They are Weapons of Mass Distraction – BlackBerry & Cell phones! These WMDs are even more addictive than cocaine-marijuana-tobacco-cigarette. Their proliferation is faster than the HIV. And their impact, though slow and invisible, is deadlier than any feared biological-chemical weapon.

It is said that they were created to aide and act as a tool in your work. But these little creepy machines have started the war of domination on us humans (Matrix!). The tell-tale signs of the rise of the machine is everywhere to feel.

There used to be a time when it was not ‘alright’ if your cell-phone rang in the middle of a meeting or discussion. Devil BlackBerry has changed that, because now you don’t have to talk, you can read one of the many thousands ‘trash’ emails that are sent to one of the many thousands corporate distribution lists that has many thousands ‘useless’ members, who have absolutely nothing to do with that email. You can put that bastard in the vibrating mode, keep it on the table for everyone to see (as if that is your victory-trophy) and when you get one such stupid email, there it goes, Ghrrrrrrrr Ghrrrrrr on the wooden table (as if someone is drilling a hole in your head), dancing, rolling, celebrating machine’s little triumph over the sensible humans. And you the conquered moron pick that up and frantically start scrolling the wheel as if you are awaiting the news of your first child’s birth.

I have observed, when you get an email on Blackberry, your body produces a special hormone called ‘Stupidosterone’. This hormone prompts you to do a ‘Reply All’ to every email from wherever you are. This hormone is especially active when you are NOT in the office. So that you can send totally unnecessary emails like “Thanks for the Update” with a little footnote “Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld”, to let everyone know that you are so sincere about the work.

Cell phones are also equally evil (ok necessary evil may be. Unfortunately I also use one, but the difference is that I OWN it, it doesn’t OWN me).

I travel a lot in the train. As soon as the train leaves the tunnel and the ‘Devil Network (Rakhshashi Mayajhal)’ is restored, people working in New York gets a sudden urge to take care of their personal businesses. Once I was sitting next to a Chinese (may be Japanese ummnn may be Korean) guy and he kept talking on his cell phone throughout the journey. I couldn’t understand a word, actually a letter of what he spoke and so it all kept coming in my head as some kind of strange noises. I thought this was more painful since I couldn’t understand the language. I was dead WRONG. Next day I was sitting next to a Gujarati lady. She also talked all the time on her cell, but this time I could understand everything she spoke. I really tried hard to sleep, read and divert my attention, but because my mind was able to understand the words coming in, I couldn’t just stop paying attention to it. And the talk was about why she uses ‘Kokam’ instead of ‘Lemon’ in the Daal.

I have missed my station because of a big fat BlackBerrian standing in the middle of the aisle, completely ignorant of the human world around him. I have missed my sleep because of idiots talking loudly in their cell phones. I get a feeling like helicopters are flying in my head when people don’t keep their cell phones off while entering into a telecon (ever heard that magnetic vibration when the cell phone rings at the other end?). I have started hating my Outlook because of tons of crap emails I get from the Blackberry-dhari idiots. I fear of loosing ‘my personal’ time, when I can just signoff from everything, without being connected to work. I have nightmares that one day my boss will come and tell me “Here is your BlackBerry! “

There is not a single thing that you can do in this word dominated by these Weapons of Mass Distraction without getting distracted. Sorry, will finish this later, getting a call on my cell !

Reservations in Public Toilets & Institutes of Higher Education

2006-04-11T22:12:00.000-04:00

Misguided people of various constituencies tried hard to keep this self-less visionary out of Indian politics in 1996, 1998 and 1999 parliamentary elections by defeating him repeatedly. But like no amount of air-freshener can get rid of the smell from a toilet recently being visited by a constipated soul who had relived himself after 15 days, Arjun Singh survived. And how can you expect an old war-horse of Indian politics give up at the young age of 70!

Thank god for that, today he has taken social equality to a whole new level. This ‘Pichhado ka Massiah’ hates untouchability, so he decided to ‘touch’ and get IIMs, IITs and other higher education institutions out of this darkness, he challenged the assumption that tampering with higher education is like tampering with India’s edge in the global world. By proposing a rise in “Reservation” to 49.5 in these institutes he has showed a new path to every citizen of this country. We all should now challenge our beliefs and find out new frontiers where we can propagate social equality.

Today, I took the first step in this direction. I found a whole new area, which is still way ‘Backward’ in this race for equality because even now it is “Free and Fair”. How can we tolerate this? How come something is accessible equally to anyone with the need and the skill? That is not true ‘social equality’, ‘Arjun-chhap’ equality is more equal to some than others. I want reservations in Public Toilets for SC/ST, OBC (Other Backward Class), ABC (Arjun Backward Class) etc.

I want 49.5%….oops well that’s not possible so 50% public toilets reserved for backward classes. If there is no candidate from these classes available at that time, the toilet should still be kept open and in waiting state all the time. No candidate from the ‘General’ category should be allowed to use it. No matter how much need and urgency he has, no matter how much time and effort he may have spent in his hour of crisis to locate this ‘Sulabh Shauchalaya’, he must have run, asked people for direction, must have prayed the almighty to help him find this toilet for his only chance of survival (!), this ‘Manu vadi’ should be kept out. Let this decision result in the loss of hundreds of thousands of toilets for the general category. Let it result in they relieving themselves shamefully in public places. Let it result in unclean, unhealthy, stinking surroundings. Let them be humiliated, let them be deprived of the ‘equal’ resources. They deserve this because they are ‘born’ in that ‘General’ category and we the ‘Backward(‘s) Messiahs’ believe that everyone is created equal no matter in what caste they are ‘born’!

I have now really started thinking ‘out-of-the-box’. Why only to limit this reservation to ‘Public Toilets’? The 104^th amendment to our constitution drafted by same old ‘Messiahs’ require quotas even in private or un-aided educational institutions. Likewise 50% of the private toilets in any home with more than 2 toilets should be reserved for the backward classes. So now run for your toilet before it is too late!

Arjun Trivia - If Arjun Singh were a historian, how would he divide time?

AD, BC & OBC !!

Least We Forget – March, 23

2006-03-23T13:59:00.000-05:00

75 years ago on this day three young men, Bhagat Singh, Sukhdev and Rajguru laid down their lives for India. Let us never forget their martyrdom as they gave up their life not only for a free India but also for a better and united India.

Let us remember them when we drive on a newly constructed road or flyover, when we see ISRO launching indigenious satellite, when we see Indian sportsmen on medal podium in commonwealth games, when we cheer for India in cricket, when we go to work in hi-tech software parks, when our cellphone rings, when we entertain ourselves with thousands of mediums, when we read whatever we want to read, when we express ourselves freely, when we vote. Remember their sacrifice every time we user our freedom and enjoy our progress.

Let us also try to remember them when we break all traffic rules, when we see scientists and sportsmen of our country go unrecognized, when we can’t keep ourselves from talking on cellphone in middle of National Anthem, when we let the demon of religious fanaticism cut loose, when we don’t vote, when we spit or litter all over our Matrubhoomi, when we give or take bribe, when we try to evade taxes. Remember their sacrifice every time we misuse or put our freedom and unity in danger.

History Lesson - Hunting is Dangerous, Murder is Safe

2006-03-03T16:24:00.000-05:00

Someone has said, “The one thing that man should learn from the history is that he has not learnt anything from it.” Some recent incidents vindicate this saying. This thought occurred to me as all my other (great) thoughts start, when I have absolutely nothing else to do. I was watching Sanjay Khan’s Mahabharat on Zee TV. In that particular episode Pandu dies when he slips in the lust and breaks his vow of chastity.

For those who don’t know the history (or mythology), Pandu once went for deer hunting accompanied by his two wives, Kunti and Madri. He spotted two deer making love and killed them. Lo and Behold, they immediately got transformed into a saint (Rishi Kandarp – I guess) and his wife. While dying Rishi cursed Pandu that since he had killed them while making love, he would be deprived of sexual pleasures for all his life and if he ever attempted it, he would also die while in the process of making love. We all know what happened next. Poor Pandu, husband of two beautiful ladies had to spend his life in Jungle with them but without any sex. One day watching Madri having a Mandakini-style bath, Pandu forgot all about the dangers to his life, attempted to make love and died in the quest. All this because of the damn hunting.

Dashrath, great king of Ayodhya one day decided to go on a hunting trip. Instead of a deer he killed Shravankumar by mistake. His blind parents cursed Dashrath that he would be deprived of ‘Santan-sukh’ the same way they were. We know the rest, Kaikayi, Ram vanvas etc. What was in the root? – hunting.

Salman Khan, bored of taking off his shirts, thought of showing some real machismo to Sonali Bendre and Neelam. He too went for hunting (though illegal unlike Dashrath-Pandu). He got caught, lost his hair, lost Aishwariya, also lost the case and is now sentenced to 1 year in prison. Hunting is behind our Sallubhai’s woes.

Talking about US, otherwise bed-ridden Dick Cheney one day found himself in a Texas ranch hunting for quails. May be it was due to poor eyesight or a beer he had in the lunch or he was thinking about his administration’s many screw-ups, instead of shooting quail he shot a lawyer, his friend and hunting-partner. Though people are saying that after the news leaked that he has accidentally shot a lawyer his approval ratings are at all-time high! But that apart, hunting added more troubles to an already troubled Bush administration.

Manu Sharma, Vikas Yadav and gang went to an upscale Delhi restaurant, demanded alcohol when the bar was not open. Jessica Lal, a model and bartender at that time did the mistake of declining their ‘humble’ request. Manu, whose father was a minister, pulled out a gun, shot Jessica in front of hundreds of brave Delhi elites. The case lasted more than 6 years and at the end truth and justice prevailed! Murder got unpunished!

I thought let me not make a mistake of not learning from the history. Let me put down what I have learnt from the history in this blog so that future generations can use this wisdom.

Remember what history has taught us, ‘Hunting is Dangerous, Murder is Safe’. Satyamev Jayate.

Fatwa against traitor 'Murga'

2006-02-23T18:49:00.000-05:00

It is fatwa season in India. It all started with a bearded ‘gentle’man, who happens to be a minister in the UP government, announcing a bounty of Rs. 51 Crore on the head of the Danish cartoonist. Then we heard about Hindu Law Board (I didn’t know until now that I as a Hindu have different laws and rights in this country, is there a chapter called “Shariat” in Gita or Veda? May be that is chapter-19 in Gita so I missed it) announcing Rs 101 Crore reward for whoever kills M. F. Hussain. Just in case if you don’t know, he is famous for selling paintings from his kindergarten drawing book for millions of rupees. The only change he does to them now after he has ‘physically’ grown-up, is to remove all the clothing from those paintings. Now when a SP minister gets all the limelight how can a vintage Congressman be left behind? A Congress leader from MP announced a hamper of Rs. 11 Lacs for the hands of Hussain.

The reasons given by all of them are similar. They say that things that they respect the most, admire, love and live for have been insulted by the deeds of all the accused. They think cartoons and paintings threaten their religion, faith and identity itself.

I am also angry. I am also feeling insecure. I am also feeling that my countrymen are in danger. I also want severest punishment, not just death but if there exists something more brutal than that, for the perpetrator of the heinous crime, for putting life of millions of my fellow countrymen in jeopardy. The accused is the first Indian Murga who caught the bird flu. I would also like to announce a reward of Rs. 987654321123456789 million for the person who kills that traitor Murga. If that horrible Murga is already dead by now then I want to find his remains, put them on the display on Red-Fort to show how courageous and determined we are to defend our country, to our enemies - all the migratory birds who are coming from across the border as part of a vicious conspiracy to infect my dear Desi Murgas with bird flu. I will then start a “Gaddar Murga maro Rathyatra” from Delhi, carrying the dead-body of that first gaddar with me. My fellow zealots will burn effigies of that rascal Murga. The Dharmayudha has started.

I would like to appeal to all the bloggers to contribute generously to this war chest. This is the question of dignity and we should be ready for sacrifice. If fight against this conspirator Murga requires blood then we should be ready for that too.

Tin baar mere sath dohraiye, “Nahi hogi abhi koi Der, Bimar Murge ko marke hum kehlayege Sher”.

Jai Hind, Jai Shri Ram, Allah-ho-Akbar, Hail Jesus, Jai Jalaram etc etc.

American Desis

2006-02-21T20:00:00.000-05:00

It is late Tuesday evening after long weekend and I am the only unfortunate soul sitting in the office. Not that I am working but I am supposed to be here till 9 PM, since my presence itself is enough, you know ;-) I have exhausted all the online newspapers, magazines reading even insignificant and inconsequential things like this http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1423038.cms, so I thought let me write something (may be insignificant and inconsequential ;-) )

So, here is something I often think about when I come across various types of our very own Desis. Based on my interesting encounters with many of my compatriots living in the States (United that is), I have tried to sort them in different types. These are not hard and fast, neither anyone falling in one type possesses all the characteristics defined here nor the characteristics are only limited to that particular type. They all are flexible like we Desis, you know.

1. 70s – 80s, Motel, Kirana (oops Convenience) store, Palav-Pakadu Desis

This is probably the most privileged Desi group, at least that’s what they think! They came here in 1970s-1980s. Most of them on ‘Phemily’ visas/GCs. They came here when people in India were riding/traveling in bullock-carts and we all had Gau-Matas grazing in our backyard. Well, not literally but to say that at the time India was much different from what it is today. They worked in family owned motels/convenience stores and slowly built their very own empire. These people were Desi to the core, at that time they even didn’t have much of today’s ‘evil western assault’ (Jai Shiv-sena!). This is the reason they were so aghast when they came to this country. Initially because of the struggle of settling down and later because of their ABCD kids they visited India less frequently. So, India for them froze in time of 1970s and 1980s. Even today when they visit India or someone else who is new to this country visits them, they carry the stale opinion of poor, hungry, dirty, filthy India (they live in rich, clean and nice New Jersey). Not realizing that the young lad who has recently come from India probably knows more about their acquired country than they do. After all their life circles around GSP and NJTP, oh NYC trip is like a big lifetime adventure though. So, they often look down upon their fellow H1, F1, A1, B1 etc Desis. They have severe allergies, so they avoid going to India in monsoon. They hate hot weather of India, they are so used to the cold weather of US that you will often see them planning their two month’s India vacation trip in the month of January-February (no, no you got them wrong, that is not to avoid the severest winter months of east coast but because temperatures in India are comparatively mild, Yeah (pronounced as YA)!). When they visit India they think people in India still fantasize about wearing American t-shirts, so they buy lot of them, 5 for $10, round neck, white color, with Manhattan skyline (including twin-towers), they still think people back home don’t know what is a hair-dryer or a cordless phone so they stuff those kind of rare ‘electronics items’ too. Other goodies for unfortunate Indian relatives include shaving foam (from famous CVS pharmacy of US), perfumes, cosmetics, electronic dolls etc. I wonder why they never think of bringing a laptop or iPod or a nice Nikon D70 digital SLR. Some of them remember to bring 50 paisa coins from India to pass them as Quarters in laundries. YA, YA, YA I know its time to move to the other types.

2. I wanna fit-in (desperately) Desis

They are simply overwhelmed, awestruck and shaken from within by this wonderful, successful, beautiful country of United States. They want to live here, somewhere deep within they wish they were born here. However they just don’t want to live here they also want to fit-in. They want to be like American. They try to distance themselves everything that is Desi (though at home they still cook/eat Indian Food). They praise, like and embrace almost everything that is American. Some of them go to the extreme of smelling the Garden of Eden in the American fart. They often tell you about how great this country is, their system, their entrepreneurship (pronounced as on-truh-pruh-nur Yaar not your typical en-tre-pre-nur), they criticize ‘typical’ Desis (they have a wide definition of typical encompassing everyone except them), driving their own Honda-Toyota they lash out at ‘typicalness’ of Desis in going after Japanese cars. If you ask them, “Did you watch Rang De Basanti?” They will say, “Is that a new Indian movie? I don’t watch Indian movies, you know. Have you watched this new excellent movie called ‘anything-english-speilberg-or-hamburg’?” You will find many of them gone to extreme, hey it is not that they were born here the fellaz came here on student or skilled-labor visa, still some ask, “So is Diwali a big festival in India? How many days of vacation do you guys get?”. No, it is no joke, this has happened to me. You feel like putting one Diwali sutli-bomb in a particular location in that person’s body. Did you say Cricket? What is that you moron? Do you have Cricket WORLD-SERIES with QUEENS playing against BRONX?

3. H1 Desis

One of my favorites. They are like untouchables desis in this caste hierarchy. These poor souls are like Dhobi’s Shwan, ‘Na Ghar ke Na Ghat ke’. Since they don’t know where they are going to end up, they can neither totally try to fit-in nor give up their effort to do so. They know the daily Dollar-Rupee conversion rate by heart, if you can’t get that online ask one of them. They know the importance of brotherhood, closeness, how to live with gay and gusto in 1 Bedroom apartment with 17 others. Most of these guys work in IT but the alternate profession for them could be in accounting. You ask them and they have all the information about how much they earn and how much they SAVE every month on their fingertip. They have numerous innovative six-sigma tested ways to save every dollar (approx 44.358924687234578 Rs that is). One of their favorite and must-go tourist attraction in US is Niagra falls second only to the Outlet malls. Their favorite time pass is to search for Internet sites from which they can download Indian movies and songs.

There are many more but may be in Part-2.
Disclaimer: In Gujarati there is a saying, “Koi e bandh besati topi peharavi nahi”, meaning if a hat fits you doesn’t mean that it is yours. This is just a lighthearted attempt, so take it lightly. Otherwise eat two more Rotis (or thin-Indian-bread-made-of-wheat).

Andher Nagari...

2006-02-17T09:11:00.000-05:00

(Warning: All the characters in this story are non-fictional and any resemblance to anyone living or dead is strictly intentional)

Once upon a time there were 100 GOOD “Kauravas” – yes, these were really good Kauravas and not our good old Mahabharata-fame bad ones! This happy bunch was heirs to the king of a wonderful kingdom called Hastinapur. This city was famous for his blind king, since the king was blind, people with short-sightedness got special attention and good positions in the court of the king. Overall the Janata lived happily in Hastinapur. It had a very good school system with very tough assignments, so people wanted their kids to do their schooling in Hastinapur. One problem in Hastinapur was that the Janata had to live on fixed minimal Rasan-pani, people in other kingdoms enjoyed wholesome and healthy meals and often had feasts but for Hastinapurnivasis it was always bare minimum Khana. Due to this many people used to migrate to other kingdoms as soon as they completed their schooling in Hastinapur. There were few who were contained with this tiny Rasan as long as they didn’t have to work to earn it. There were others, who didn’t care much about the food, they were self-satisfied as long as they were getting good work.

The queen of this kingdom, mother of our Kauravas was a nice, loving woman named Gandhari. She could see! But how difficult the life could have been for a ‘normal’ queen to rule in a ‘blind(ly)-led’ kingdom of Hastinapur. So, Gandhari decided to blind-fold herself. Unfortunately while doing so she tied the patti so low that sometimes it dropped and covered her ears too, so often she had difficulty even in listening. One-day king called upon Gandhari and said that their Kauravas were now old enough to go in the battlefield and extend the frontiers of the Hastinapur beyond one can see (!) Gandhari discussed the matter with venerable young (Yes – young) Bhishma, who was not just a confidant but also the man responsible for the expansion of Hastinapur. Immediately a plan was charted out, 50 Kauravas were asked to leave for a far away journey to conquer kingdoms on their way, the other 50 were asked to stay back in Hastinapur to work with the battle group, provide tactical and logistical support to the men in the field and also to help the king in the managing the kingdom. From this group 10 Kauravas were made Senapatis to lead the entire sena of 100. 10 Senapatis who stayed back in Hastinapur were responsible to ensure that 50 battlefield members send regular minute-by-minute account of their activity, the king was very particular about this. A committee made up of his few blind mantris had come up with a strong recommendation for this yojana called “Polampol”. The king was so much obsessed with the “Polampol” that 100% of his mantris spent 90% of their time in putting together “Polampol” reports.

On one auspicious day the 50 Kauravas left for the battle accompanied by Bhishma. Gandhari was specially present to grace the occasion, she assured the sena that enough rasan-pani and all needed hathiyars will be provided whenever needed. Also Bhishma would be always there to help the sena with any issues. She promised that she would also visit the battlefield often, would be in regular touch through Ghudsavar messengers and a special “Nisan-e-Hastinapur” and “Hatinapur-ratna” awards would be given to the Kauravas who would perform well in the battle. At this point Bhishma suggested to have Senapatis appointed even for the 50 battlefiled Kauravas, but Gandhari was of the opinion of not giving them a formal Senapati role but keep some of them as ‘mentors’. Amidst the naras of “Jai Hastinapur” , the courageous sena started it's conquest.

The brave sena though without any defined leader started winning kingdoms after kingdoms, some small – some large. The boundaries of the kingdom of Hastinapur were expanding. Though there was no Senapati but few outstanding Kauravas took the charge, they could motivate the people, they could come up with a winning strategy in the battlefield so they became de facto Senapatis. The kingdoms that were conquered and merged with Hastinapur were supposed to provide a regular Khandani (a fix amount of Suvarnamohar decided as per the size of the kingdom) to Hastinapur. Time was flying, everyone back in Hastinapur was happy and so busy in preparing numerous ‘Polampol’ reports, and slowly they started to forget about the battling Kauravas. The visit from Gandhari’s Ghudsavar became less and less frequent. There was no direction, no cohesiveness, no oneness in the Kauvrava sena, their morale started to plunge, the promised rasan-pani supply was becoming erratic and it was same year after year. However, under the de facto Senapatis they continued their battle with the same zeal, they knew Hastinapur would one day realize their importance.

Bravery of some of the Kauravas was becoming so famous that many kingdoms started to surrender to the flag of Hastinapur even without a battle, the Kauravas were not only responsible for winning the kingdoms but they were also responsible for managing the new area. The new Janata was also so happy with Kaurava governance, they often sent out glorious stories of Kauravas courage and expertise in managing the kingdom to Gandhari and other Senapatis in Hastinapur. Unfortunately, because of that patti she could not read, sometimes as that patti used to cover the ears also, she couldn’t even listen. However, many times while the patti used to come off inadvertently, and every time this happened Gandhari had her 10 Senapatis and 40 Kauravas based in Hastinapur in front of her merciful eyes, so the Amidrashti often fell there. She was so occupied with internal affairs of Hastinapur that she had no time to check about the battlefield or her fighting warriors. Yes, sometimes the Amidrashti also fell on the battling members who were working in a “Huge Suvarnamohar” earning kingdoms irrespective of their actual contribution in the battle; the importance was given to the contribution to the Hastinapur revenue pie. There were others who didn’t have a huge kingdom to win or manage but they had very strategic small kingdoms. These small kingdoms were so vital and strategically located that once you are familiar with that terrain you can launch a limitless assault on other big kingdoms. Whoever controlled those small kingdoms, controlled the entire ‘domain’. They were like Haji-Pir pass between India-Pakistan or Bab-el-Wad between Jerusalem-Palestine. But to be able to understand this you need to understand the battlefield and there was no time or inclination for that. The de facto Senapatis were working day & night to conquer and consolidate on these vital kingdoms. Without any support, without recognition, with no one bothered to ask or understand, they continued their unstinted conquest, driven just by the desire from within.

One day, a Ghudsavar came from Hastinapur. Bleeding, sweating, tired and disappointed Kauravas knew this was their day, they had served Hastinapur not for the peanut like Rasan but for recognition, for self-satisfaction, they knew this was the day when Gandhari and the kingdom of Hastinapur declares “Nisan-e-Hastinapur” and “Hastinapur-Ratna”. The Ghudsavar started reading names and they waited but alas – the only thing that came to them was a Thenga. They knew this was it, this was the last nail punched into their forehead. They had served well, they had served with passion, they didn’t defect to other rival armies like many of their fellow Kauravas did, they had remained loyal to Hastinapur.

What should they do now? How long can one survive just on the hope and possibilities? Should they approach Bhishma? But “vo to Hastinapur ki gadi se bandhe hue hai”, so he can lend them a shoulder and a listening ear but his hands too are empty. These questions are unanswered as yet, but soon there will be some answer – Amen! Meanwhile Kauravas can continue to fight remembering what John Ruskin said, “The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it”.

Whatever it takes

2005-12-05T14:08:00.000-05:00

After around three years of efforts we could finally extradite one of the most dreaded fugitives of India – Abu Salem. The ink was still not dry on this news and some newspapers (I guess, though not sure that it all started by the horrible Times of India) started publishing what they call “extradition bill of Salem”.
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/msid-1296602,curpg-4.cms

There is nothing wrong with knowing or auditing how much the taxpayer’s money got spent on the task. But it is ridiculous to question the basis itself of spending Rs. 50 Crore on brining a terrorist to justice. Some people are saying that Salem is not worth spending this much money as he doesn’t have enough information neither can he help us with India’s most wanted Dawood. Even if we buy this argument for a moment, isn’t it worth if he gets punishment for the crimes he committed? Ask family members of the victim of the Mumbai blasts what they think Salem’s usefulness mean to them. I think every penny will be worth if we are just able to convict and punish him. Some also raise concerns about the deal CBI has made with Portuguese authorities about the death penalty. The argument is that if we can’t award death penalty to him he might be free in 25-30 years. Although this issue is not very clear, the TADA judge set the tone of the trial in the first hearing itself when he said to CBI counsel that there couldn’t be any conditional appearance in his court. The deal that is made by CBI with Portuguese doesn’t stand in the court of law; sentencing in the Indian court is not at the mercy of approval from Portuguese authority. And look at the idiotic use of the 50 Crore listed by the newspaper like buying 10 Maybachs or a luxury Jet!! God only can help these morons I wouldn’t even argue against such stupid arguments.

I think his arrest might reveal the plot of the Mumbai Blasts, prove useful in hunting and convicting other perpetrators of this heinous crime, provide helpful information on the havala and the fishy financial operations that are at the backbone of any terrorist act. And if it doesn’t achieve any of these it will still be a psychological blow to many wanted criminals who thought that they could do whatever they want in India and then flee to international sanctuaries. CBI’s persistent efforts have at least made one thing very clear that India is now very serious in finding and fighting its enemies no matter where they are. We are constantly under attack and it is very important to send a signal to the enemies that we will get you, whatever it takes.

What has changed?

2005-08-02T22:10:00.000-04:00

It was like any other Monday morning for me but a little more hectic. The local bus that I usually take to reach the Greyhound bus terminal in Albany was running late. I ran and was the last person to get on the bus to New York City. It was pretty familiar sight, which I hate to see. The bus was packed. I always wish to occupy a seat where no one is sitting next to me so that I get a good two hours sleep on my way back to work. But on this day I only had one choice left and that was next to a giant fellow who was almost occupying one and a half seats. So I tried to fit myself in whatever room was left. As the bus started I found it difficult to maintain the balance in that tiny little place (I am also little bulky) and so I requested this guy if he could give me some space. He looked at me as if I have demanded for his parental estate and replied, “ I am six and half man, I can’t squeeze more”. I just sighed and started reading a book. After a couple of minutes passed, this huge fellow mercifully squeezed himself giving me enough space and asked, “Do you often travel by the bus?” To which I replied in affirmative. Without looking at me he said, “I am traveling in the bus after 25 years!” The next question, “Are you going to New York City?” I thought of saying, “No, this bus is going to New York City but I am going to Timbuktu”. But anyways I again replied in positive. Then came the same comment again, “I am going to New York City after 25 years!” This surprised me and I asked, “Were you out of country?” He immediately replied, “No, I just came out of the prison yesterday after serving time for 25 years!” Oh Boy! I thought of offering him even rest of my tiny little space. But there was something very intriguing yet soothing in his voice and his eyes so I continued my conversation with all the more interest. He asked looking at my mobile phone, “So is this a kind of personal phone that everyone is carrying around?” At that moment I realized how drastically the world has changed for this person. When he went in, there were no mobile phones, no Internet (no blogs!), Soviet Union was still a force to reckon with for America, twin towers were like a jewel of the New York skyline, the word ‘terrorism’ was not in common man’s vocabulary and a lot more. Imagine how much out of place you might feel in that situation, where time just froze for twenty-five years for you while the world was changing at the speed of the bullet. I kept thinking about all these things, things that he might find completely strange, things that came into existence and dominance in last twenty-five years. Our bus was now on NJ turnpike and the driver announced that there was a bomb scare at the Port Authority Bus Terminal and buses would not go inside the building, he would try to get us as close as possible to the building but not sure how and when. On hearing this announcement my interesting neighbor just looked outside the window and said to himself, “people were assholes twenty-five years ago and people are still assholes!” The world has not changed – people have not changed.